Take a Seat (no, don’t).

Criptiques

chair w/ text that says I'm going to kill you

[Image of a blue, mod, comfy chair with black text that reads “I’m going to kill you”]

I have something important to tell you all. Are you sitting down?

Maybe it’s the anxiety disorder talking, but I can’t take another “Sitting Will KILL YOU!” article. They are everywhere. Google “sitting kills you” and you’re greeted with a zillion terrifying headlines and even scarier image results. In one image, a demonic black figure lurks menacingly behind a white chair, I mean deathtrap, as the text informs us that “sitting increases risk of death up to 40%.” I hate these cartoons. I hate these articles. I hate these pernicious reminders of what I’m often assured is an inevitable, untimely death, even if I exercise. Awesome.

I get it. I really really get it. I am one wheelchair slip-on-the-banana-peel away from the grave because I’m a professional, full-time sitter. I’ve been doing…

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